I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
