I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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