I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
