So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
