He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
