but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
