So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
