No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
