worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
