his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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