yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
