Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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