im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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