Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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