The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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