Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
