I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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