the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
