That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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