Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am available for nakedness
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