mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
