you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
