So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
