i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
