y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
