Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
