he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
