i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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