Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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