Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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