next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
