True but thats because hes a fetus.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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