Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
