I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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