***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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