I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
