Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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