You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
