Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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