Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
