Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
