I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
