you guys were way drunker than both of me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
