is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
