Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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