my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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