I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
