Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
