i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
