Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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