he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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