I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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