I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
