Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want to have your abortion
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
