so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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