I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
