I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
