yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
